A Serious Dad

SF Examiner, May 26, 2003

Memorial Day isn't so much a day of remembrance but an occasion to remind us to remember. It seems strange these days to stop and be quiet for a while -- let alone to be pensive and allow ourselves to drift from the business at hand. "Memorial Day is such a weird holiday," someone said yesterday. "I'm not sure what to do. Are we supposed to have a good time or what?" I know that I am allowed to write in a newspaper about who is and who isn't having a good time because someone gave up his good times for my right to do so. Memorial Day is a day of gratitude. I am grateful.

It's also a day to recall that our struggles as a nation never end. This country is in about as much trouble today as it has ever been in my lifetime. I am worried this country has lost its way because it seems to have lost its ability to stop -- on this Memorial Day and every other day -- to ponder what we are really doing in the world. We have lost any sense of critical thinking. We have risen, quickly, to become the most powerful nation in the world. This is not like winning the World Cup. It doesn't call for a victory party. It only means we have to be careful, responsible, compassionate and generous. Or we will lose it all just as quickly as we gained it. My brother used to say to me when I was a kid, "We Americans are the most generous people in the world." For most of my life, I believed it. I'm sorry to say it is not true. Most of the world lives in horrific poverty and misery. In terms of the size of our economy, we rank last in the amount of foreign assistance, compared to the wealthier nations. We spend and spend on the military. We treat our veterans abysmally. Our leaders lack vision, we race into Iraq without having a plan to deal with the post-war mishegoss there. But who knows about it? The TV networks have gone home. The Laci Petersen case looms. ...

An inexplicable thing happened in the months before the war in Iraq. Americans were whispering about how the war would be good for the economy. The perversity of such a thing is stunning. It's -- dare I say?-- un-American. Where is the America that stood on a moral ground? Lives for petro-dollars? I know. I know. I'm naive. ...

The economy is the elephant in middle of the living room. Its deterioration seems like a threat to national security to me. The government sits at the head of the table in an enormous dysfunctional family. When I hear about Homeland Security and "heightened alerts," I think the alarm should be rung for the Oakland City Schools -- and for the rest of our schools. To let our schools collapse is suicide. Let's not argue about prayer in the classroom. Let's make sure we have classrooms. The Founding Fathers were fond of the term, "posterity." We don't know posterity from our posteriors. ...
We might want to teach our children that war is not noble. A Viet Nam War vet on Market St,. said, "Nobody wants to ask me about war -- I might tell them the truth." I wonder sometimes if there are any governments at all. In Paddy Chayevsky's "Network," Arthur Jensen, the TV mogul played by Ned Beatty, blusters,"There is no America, There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T ..." And maybe Bechtel ... That would be an awkward Pledge of Allegiance, no? Does a young soldier really want to die for the stockholders?

Love of country is too important to be left to the politicians. The other night Greg Jarrett, the KGO Radio reporter captivated a group of pals at Lefty O'Doul's with stories of his experiences with the Marines' "Purple Foxes" in Iraq. Greg said, "I have never seen such decency in my life. These enlisted men and women were so dedicated, so selfless. They spoke so movingly of their families, of their hometowns, of their friends, of their dreams. I came away so impressed. It gives me a faith in the goodness of people."

I'd like to think about that on Memorial Day. Harry Miles Muheim, who worked in Naval Intelligence in World War II and was a speech writer for Jimmy Carter, said to me recently, "In the end we have to remember that we all have an effect on others -- much more than we possibly know." It is how we will be remembered. As people and as a nation. If you go out to the Presidio National Cemetery today and not get a lump in your throat during the ceremonies, you have no heart. Yes, it is a weird holiday. A day to be grateful. There are rows and rows of unquiet graves there. You'd think with the passing of generations, there would be fewer and fewer reasons to have Memorial Days. But there is the relentless return of war, of sacrifice, of sorrow. With all this remembering, why do we keep forgetting?