The Mean Season

I was making my usual visit to San Francisco General Hospital this week when my friendly pharmacist gleefully rushed into the room, interrupting his student, who was about place leeches at strategic places on my person, to say, "Hey, Bellingham, I saw Bill Clinton really give them hell on Fox TV this weekend, and I thought about you! It was terrific!"

Maybe the doctor means I've been complaining too much about how the Democrats haven't been complaining enough about this disastrous, ill-conceived war in Iraq. Mort Sahl reminds me that Eugene McCarthy said, "When the Democrats put together a firing squad, they form a
circle." But I really think my doctor has been heartened by the episode with Clinton showing some bluster, some moxie, some righteous anger, some street fighting fervor, and giving Chris Wallace a good drubbing for his famous self-satisfied smirk. It seems to have cheered my doctor up. Believe me, when my doctor's in a good mood, I'm in a good mood. Only good comes of it.

The doctor may even recommend a splashy tirade and explosion of umbrage to me as a regimen of recovery. Yes, I'd like to start pushing my detractors around for a change. But it's not likely to happen. I'm not cut out for the sort of game that thrives during The Mean Season.

There's something to be said about that old adage, "Physician, heal thyself." And the right treatment can appear in the most unusual places. Fox News, for example, is traditionally not good for me. To tell you the truth, I just came away from the physician with a prescription for Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant. And you don't miss your stream of consciousness until your Wellbutrin gone dry (a lesser-known blues song). I also overheard a group of young ladies in
the waiting room having a chat about men: "I'm so over guys on anti-depressants who just can't get it up anymore."

Well it really comes down to that, doesn't it? Fox News could be bad for both your frame of mind, and your blood pressure. And, most importantly, your libido.

But then there's a formidable opponent such as Bill Clinton -- top student at School for Scoundrels -- who can take on the Fox News hooligans with alacrity. As for me, I've discovered that pouting in the worst aphrodisiac.

Physicians, I'm told, are still administered the Oath Of Hippocrates. That includes the best-known phrase, "First, do no harm." There is a similar expression about codes of conduct in journalism. It comes from H.L. Mencken. It demands that a reporter keep in mind that he or she must always, "Afflict the comfortable, and comfort the afflicted."

So what about politicians, as this mean season of politics, once again, descends over the uneasy landscape? I suggest a "First Do No Harm Party." This would be a collection of interested citizens, dedicated to change, as long as it doesn't cause anyone pain or injury. Perhaps it slogan should be, "Do as little as possible," as the line from "Chinatown" goes. There has been a Know-Nothing Party in American history, back in the 1850s. They said little, but did far too much -- and a lot of it was harmful. They were formed to subjugate Irish-Catholics, and assorted other immigrants. Not surprisingly, they were eventually absorbed in the Republican Party.

I'd offer myself up as a candidate for the First Do No Harm Party but I can assure, I would not take my place in government if elected, would never even set foot in the office of My Office. I've always admired the legislator who has a bad attendance record in Congress. Think of all that harm that's avoided on those days of absences. Maybe I'd just help out a little bit at the office of My Office when I take My Office; make decaf-coffee, answer the phone, loan money to needy
people, tell jokes, and try to persuade everyone they should work to find a way back to the happy track of wellness -- with or without Wellbutrin, the well-born Dr. Welby, and away from the terrors of politics during this very mean season.

Bruce Bellingham, is the author of Bellingham by the Bay, which is now featured for sale ay Naomi's Art Pottery shop, 1817 Polk Street, at Washington, 415-775-1207. This gives a lot of “bull in a china shop” new meaning.